Halfway through yesterday my energy levels dropped to the extent that all I wanted to do was go to bed. I couldn’t though as I had a plan; a list of things that I needed to achieve by the end of the day in order to feel it had been worthwhile. I managed a couple – my daily 750 words and a meditation, but then I gave up and lay down. Despite the fact I was feeling horrendous and had clearly succumbed to the flu, I really felt as if I’d failed.
Why do we do this to ourselves? As a freelance university teacher, I haven’t worked much in the last month and I intended that this time should be devoted to writing (or writing related projects). However, now that my return to work is imminent, I’m focusing on all the things I haven’t managed to do, rather than those I have.
It was reassuring this morning to read Mairi’s post,
https://mairineil.wordpress.com/2016/01/17/a-much-needed-circuit-breaker/
as she seems to share the same anxieties. She says,
I seem to have spent my time fretting over not achieving what I’d hoped
I feel exactly the same way. I guess one of my new year’s resolutions could be to feel happy, regardless of how little I think I’ve achieved, (in any case, it’ll certainly be more than I had at the beginning of the day!) I can’t help feeling that life is as much about being as doing, as my little kitten, Polly continually teaches me.
Flotsam and Jetsam 
I hope you are feeling better – don’t expect the weather is helping you much! Thank you for mentioning my post – you are at least achieving more than me:) I think I’m failing on most of the exercises at the moment so when you find the answer to why we writers do it, please let me know. Not sure I’ll ever be happy at that I’ve achieved what I hoped – I think masochist should be in the thesaurus for writer…
LikeLike
Hi Mairi, still a bit fluey but hopefully will be better tomorrow. It snowed last night (quite rare for London!). Very jealous of you in Melbourne!
Not sure there are answers to the question of why we choose to write. (You’re right re the word, ‘masochist!’). Think some of us prefer a difficult life! I’m starting a MOOC tomorrow – ‘Start Writing Fiction’ by Future Learn. It’s fairly basic but I did it last year and really enjoyed it. Another way to meet likeminded people too!
LikeLike
I have a four legged friend too – a dog – and he brings joy all the time. Glad Polly is doing the same for you.
LikeLike
Thanks, Spiritual Journey. They make all the difference, don’t they?! I’m not sure where you are but it’s cold and snowy in the UK so it’s nice to have a fur baby to hibernate with!
LikeLike