SoCS -‘Be’– #AtoZ Challenge

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “be.” Use it as is or at the beginning of the word you decide to base your post on. Enjoy!

Being rather than Doing

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To be or not to be? In the past it was ‘not to be’ as when I was younger, life was all about doing. I travelled constantly, ran hard every day, enrolled on course after course, dated obsessively and generally tried to cram my life with as many activities as possible. I felt that if I wasn’t doing something then I wasn’t truly living. Now, however things have changed a little. Although prone to the odd bout of apathy (see previous post!) when I have a tendency to beat myself up for not accomplishing anything of note, I’m more able to recognise the value of simply being, without feeling the need to ‘do’ anything. Take today for example. I had plans, lots of them. I was going to go for a long bike ride, I was going to work on my novel, I was planning to tidy my flat etc. etc. but that was before I went out last night.

Last night was relatively unplanned but I ended up having a beautiful evening with one of my best friends and her boyfriend. We went to a lovely little cafe around the corner, where we ate tapas, drank wine and danced to Spanish music. I hadn’t planned to drink much but .. today I woke up with a hangover and a feeling of general laziness.

It’s a gorgeous day here so all I feel like doing is chilling out and enjoying the sunshine – my plans have changed, but I feel fine with that. Being present to the moment is all about focusing on what is happening right now, without worrying about what you feel you ‘should’ be doing. I might try a little meditation later and luxuriate in the fact that I don’t have to do anything today if I don’t want to.

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‘Apathetic’ – #AtoZ Challenge

th.jpegI feel like this today and I hate it. It’s the worst possible feeling and not something that occurs very often, thankfully. When I feel this way, I can’t be bothered to do very much. Can’t exercise, clean or write. Instead I seem to spend the whole time faffing; starting things but not completing them, unable to decide what I really want to do. I try desperately hard to focus but it’s usually in vain. What makes it worse is that I generally have so much to do that it’s almost overwhelming yet I’m stuck in a state of complete inertia.

One of the few things that seems to help me at this time is mindfulness meditation as it enables me to slow down, focus on my breath and achieve a relatively clear state of mind. I believe any form of daily practice is a useful means of counteracting this feeling. Sometimes simply going through the motions is enough to change a mood.

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